Dear Daughters of St. Philip Neri,
Despite your having been drawn so often into the things of the world, you feel a deep yearning to break free. Frequently, often unconsciously, you are yearning for something more; yearning for sanctity, for God Himself. St. Paul says it simply yet eloquently: "Where sin increased, grace abounded all the more." The darkness that hangs over the world like a shroud attracts even more of God's mercy and a flood of His graces.
Suddenly you will find what you have been looking for. It is in Christ's gift of himself in the Eucharist. This is where He can touch you with his love. Such is the activity of His grace. It means that your contact with the Eucharist is as extraordinary as St. Gregory of Nysa describes it when he notices that finding God consists in ceaseless searching for Him. You will see the benefit of searching in the very searching itself. Your endless yearning will become more desirous the more it is satisfied. Despite all your misery and sorrow you have great opportunity in the Eucharist to help you to sanctity. Through faith you will see another world allowing you to gain access by anticipation into that world of glory.
In your everyday life, the Eucharist will give you insight and guide you along the pathway; showing you the senselessness of chasing after earthly life. Eucharistic graces and awareness of the Lord's coming will show you a different picture of reality and push you towards the eucharistic vision of the world.
I pray you will finally discover the Eucharist to be the real answer to your longing for sanctity. The longing that exists despite your personal feelings of infidelity, selfishness, and sin. The contrast is between the not very admirable self you see and God himself who is the quintessence of purity and love even to the point of loving you in your poverty and brokenness. Such poor and broken ones He wants to lead through the event of the Eucharist, to the summits, to a deep bond with himself.
A famous violinist once stood before an audience, obviously expecting a burst of adoration for her genius. But what happened surpassed everybody's deepest expectations. In the tension of her performance, the violinist suddenly felt something break under the bow. She felt the instrument wasn't responding. She suddenly realized that one of the four strings had probably broken and this meant that someone must have cut it halfway through. Then came another shock. Another string broke. Someone had cut that one too. Someone wanted her downfall. But she kept playing as if nothing had happened and finished the brilliant performance. No one had even noticed the problem.
When the violinist lifted up the violin showing the two hanging strings, the audience was astonished. There was an eruption of rapturous applause one thought would never end. To play an instrument with such perfection outshone everybody's wildest dreams. Even more, the audience broke all conventions by rushing towards the violinist, unable to believe that such inspiring music could come from a broken instrument. So the maestra's glory was even greater, the weaker the instrument she used.
The law of contrast is that the poorer the human instrument, the greater God's glory. He can create masterpieces from poor human instruments. Isn't it strange that God so much desires that I could serve like this? Not only by surpassing imagination, He wants to surpass every analogy too. He wants nothing less than astonishing communication of the glorious love He so wants to share.
I am naturally, deeply opposed to this contrast as I don't want to be a poor instrument in God's hands. In God's plans we are the become the basis for revealing the greater glory of this One. This is what I find so hard to believe. I just do not believe that He is leading me in this absolutely incomprehensible way. He does not want this for himself. He only wants this for me. This is the only way I can discover more of His true face. I find it so unimaginable that God is only deeply discoverable in every moment on any of this world's altars in what seems to be nothing less than insane love.
The more fully I adore God, the more I let Him discover within me my likeness to such a violin that no one can play. He is looking for those who are unsuitable for anything, for those unwanted by the world. He is looking for the poorest violinist so that His all embracing glorious love can brilliantly penetrate into our world.
Although I am a violinist who plays poorly, my relationship with the Lord Jesus is also poor though I don't see it. Yet the Lord doesn't reject me. If I can reveal my unbelief, then He himself will say within me, "my Lord and my God." Thus I can make the greatest profession of faith in the whole New Testament.
God never ceases wanting to reach to the depth of human misery. He shows it in the incident of the sinful Samaritan woman. The deeper the abyss, the greater amount of God's loving glory can be transferred. By filling up this human abyss with something humanly incomprehensible, He reveals the enormity of His abundant grace. He wants me to realize the truth about myself. Only that insight can lead me to closer union with Him. God's economy is still looking for poor instruments; the poorer the better. For God, the glory the genius received from the audience playing with two strings is nowhere near sufficient. He wants to play the violin that has no strings at all. Then the brilliant reality of His glorious love becomes apparent. He himself cuts the strings halfway through to play the masterpiece of the divine concert. Then we humans quieten down and silently listen to God. He who is love itself can thus share His embraces within that necessary silence. Thus we begin to discover the extraordinary miracle of the Eucharist.
There are souls who humanly speaking think there is no way out of their traumatic situation. They wallow in a mess of evil and sins of great negligence in their lives. They seem so possessed with evil that there is nothing for them. Jesus awaits them in the Eucharist, turning with special love to bring them to salvation.
And me? I am so unworthy so You can save me, Jesus. I am asking You, pleading with You: grant me Yourself in the Eucharist, unite with me by Your grace.
His searching for us is so strange, finding the worst of us in order to make them saints! There is no greater thing than making saints of the most unworthy of us.
Thus, He reveals himself in all His glorious abundant love. Nothing is impossible for Him, nothing. So the most unimaginably indifferent or anti-God person, overcoming arrogant resistance, can by grace, if she doesn't put up resistance, become the most magnificent masterpiece of God. That person can become a part of God's unimaginable brilliance on this planet. The greatest glory for God are those who are particularly unworthy and yet allowed to be fully sanctified.
Fr. Tadeusz Dajczer
The Mystery of Faith