It is precisely the thing that we find must difficult (not being able to see the meaning of our suffering) that makes it most redemptive and most sweet to the Lord. It takes the greatest trust to hand our lives over completely to Him in those trials and tribulations that seem to have no meaning or redeemable quality to them. If we must be martyred we want it to be elegant . . . not the death of self-will that comes from mortifying our reason and judgment in the warp and woof of day to day life; dealing with the absurd and annoying that diminishes the ego.
Dearest, the point of suffering, which includes (perhaps inevitably) feelings of faithlessness, is that it comes to us as something brutal and meaningless. If we could "see" that it is redemptive, there would always be a part that was not suffering. Jesus didn't "see" and that was the suffering. But oh, dearest, how beautiful the trust, the complete surrender to the Father that cried out in the suffering of Jesus. It is real trust, a living surrender, such as is only affirmable through suffering. It means so little to accept the weight of all we do because of Jesus, when we can see for ourselves that all is well, etc. You give Him the sweetest wine of love when you accept that Jesus takes your life into His and redeems mankind through it . . . .
Sr. Wendy Beckett