Sometimes the failures or lack of success we have can be arranged providentially by God in order that we might give Him the pure love He desires from our hearts. At the heart of this for us is trust, the true means by which we come to know God. In this trust, we give ourselves over fully to the day's activities, knowing however that they aren't ends in themselves and don't really matter. What matters is our surrender to Jesus in them so that we are able to impress upon others the sheer beauty of God simply by being ourselves. What becomes most valuable to us then in the end are the failures and poverty that drive us to Christ like nothing else. They become His gifts to us. . . .
I know you are truly trying to receive Jesus in His sure fullness and let Him shine out in what seem drudgery and unsuccess. Maybe He has arranged everything about you so that you can give Him the pure love He has craved for so long. The basic is trust, love. Trust isn't the cherry on top, it's the whole cake! We don't love Him without it, because that means that we do not know Him. From the knowledge of what God is, trust flowers of its own accord. Dear daughter, when we say: "I can't do it, I can't live up to it - what is the "it"? The "it" of our lives is to let Him love us and love others through us. That involves full attention on all the day's activities, but in themselves they don't matter. He could get all these ends fulfilled in other ways. But the receiving of His joy, the statement in a life of surrender of what Jesus is: only each individual can do that. You are meant by God to do nothing else - proclaiming His goodness in your being, unable not to press on all you meet the sheer beauty of God, just in being yourself. Your vocation, love: and it means you can't afford to have anything but Jesus. Any willed wanting of other things limits your capacity for Him - but the unwilled, that is a sign of one's failure and poverty, the sharp pain of which drives us to Him as nothing else. To me contrition and shame are the surest signs of His presence. They set us free if we use them. What precious gifts He gives my daughter . . .
Sr. Wendy Beckett