Friday, January 2, 2015

The bitter death of your secret no's to God

You have been kept so close to my heart these past weeks -  I longed to write knowing how ill and depressed and hopeless and abandoned you were feeling, but it was a feeling, dear.  Jesus shared with me His own compassion, but He also made it clear that essentially it all didn't matter.  Nothing was dead - you have to choose death, in both the good and evil senses - and your anguish was because you didn't feel alive enough.  And since His life comes alive in us to the extent we are truly prepared to die to our small, consoling lives, all the darkness was Light's shadow.  My part in it had to be silent trust in Light, in silent surrender to the painful mystery of my own vocation, so as to offer you more wholly to yours.  When you come to say "No" to Jesus - a day I trust Him never to let happen - then there will be a deadly death and I'll write soon enough.  But you are enduring the bitter death of your secret "no's" and that only leads to Life.
Sr. Wendy Beckett

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