Too often we live in some distant and imagined place and imagined fulness rather than in the reality of God who wants to give Himself to us now. We remain in a constant state of preparation because we fear to truly open our hearts to receive the self-less and self-emptying love of Jesus. We remain held in the grip of our doubts, our anxiety or our sins until we want that love of Christ enough and all that it means.
About the future: you should know that God shows me nothing specific, only that the future is pure love, is himself . . . . But what comes home to me very strongly is that now is the future; no link in the chain is subordinated to another. All God wants is to give himself now, and it is this moment that makes the total gift still to come possible, or not. I think we can lose momentum by unconsciously regarding his great designs of love as being somehow "in preparation," and they are not: in Jesus they have come. And they have come, most surely, for you . . . .
Turn your mind, often and eagerly, to the way God gives himself to everybody. All are infinitely dear to him, really dear, worth dying for . . . .
The heart of Jesus broke because he could not bring all his brethren into his Father's house; he was not himself, not fully and wholly Jesus, until he had made that homecoming possible. Open your heart . . . to receive from the Spirit this glad, agonizing, self-forgetful love of Jesus. Then one day you will turn round and find your own imprisoned self has vanished and there is only God's love keeping you alive. He gives it when we want it enough, and all it means.
Sr. Wendy Beckett