I can't find the right words, but what I want to say is: God is always coming to us, as totally as we can receive Him, but from every side. He comes in "life", just as it is. The as-it-isness is precisely how He comes. If we look for Him in certain patterns or forms, we only receive a fraction. Now for you, the natural tendency is to romanticize the way of His coming. Your self wants that, at least: at least that glory, the glory of holiness. And He says: No, - I can't give myself, not fully, in any way that gives self a foothold. Nothing romantic or beautiful or in any way dramatic; nothing to get hold of, in one sense, because it must be He that does the getting hold. A terrible death in every way, destroying all we innocently set our spiritual hearts on: all but Him. So utter joy, in a sense that "romance" can never envisage. There are depths of self-desire - innocently - that He must empty so as to fill them; He is doing it and you must set your thinking being to co-operate . . .
Sister Wendy Beckett