This is a very challenging letter of Sr. Wendy to a dear friend who is carrying a heavy cross. Sr. Wendy does not romanticize suffering or hold out a kind of false optimism about personal trials. Sometimes there is only the darkness that Jesus experienced in the garden and on Calvary and like Him we must stretch out our hands to the Father and say "Yes" to His will despite the cost of doing so.
Your beautiful, generous letter is pure balm to the aching desire of Jesus. You make it possible for Him to give you to the Father in Himself. What has happened is a paradigm of Love's action, isn't it. Our fears come true, and we hold out our welcoming arms to them, "because we know the Father!"
I have an optimistic heart in general, but feel we must base our giving on darkness. I surrender, fully aware it may be worse than I think, but knowing, if so, that is where Jesus is . . . I shall be holding you steadily in Him.
I am careful to qualify my optimism by adding "in general". In this case I do not, in fact, feel much optimism, but that is an irrelevance. Jesus felt no optimism at all: "His chalice" was how He saw it from the first, but having seen that it was indeed His Father's will, He stopped all reflection of His own hopeless misery. He simply held out both hands - pierced hands - and took the chalice with steadfast love. I can't overemphasize how much I think this matters for you, my darling. Not only because we can chip away at our own "Yes" if we let ourselves think of the horror of it all, but also because "we" can't do it. Only Jesus can do it, and for this He must have our total trust. It all becomes still and martyred if we can't smile in our will and believe He is all Love . . . .
As Hebrews says, it is man He has chosen not angels: poor, filthy man, for whom Jesus pours out His heart in love. Think only of Him and His Love. Bind yourself to it. Promise Him only loving thoughts: His thoughts. Keep all other insights in reserve until His Love can show you from within what in these is true or false. This is a very costly surrender, but now you must jettison all confidence in your own wisdom and cling, naked, to the Crucified and Risen Jesus. All yours if you want Him . . .
Sr. Wendy Beckett