Monday, February 10, 2014

Many Things to Reform

The struggle to give herself to God and the pursuit of self possession was not an easy one for Elisabeth.  As the desire for God grew and the desire to know how to consecrate herself and years to Him, Elisabeth knew only too well her physical, emotional and spiritual weaknesses.  Yet, in the face of all of these she clung to her duty; that is, to her commitments to both God and neighbor.  She would not let her sadness, moral apathy and even lack of fervor shake her faith in God's goodness.  

A bad spell for more than a month: bodily fatigue, domestic troubles, and, worse than that, a kind of sadness and moral apathy, a lack of fervor and inner joy that God has sometimes given me so abundantly.  And yet not for one moment has my will ceased to belong to Him; duty has cost me dearly, but it has not ceased to be duty.

Many things to reform: pride; the tendency to delay in getting to work, to let days slip away; to allow myself to be invaded by outward excitations.  And yet I have an immense need of calm and of interior life.  God alone knows what difficulty I sometimes have in overcoming certain physical and moral miseries in order to arrive at that complete possession of myself, at that Christian serenity that nothing can disturb.

To show that what good I have is from God, and that the rest is - alas! - from me.